Something’s missing?

I’m lucky that I have been able to marry my passion of being in the outdoors with what I do in my career.

I enjoy being on a windswept fell, alongside a river watching the light dapple on its surface or walking up a sketchy and exposed trail on the way up to a well-earned summit.

It’s something I’ve probably taken for granted – especially with everything that has happened over the last year or so. Not many people find a career that tallies perfectly with what they love.

As well as being a writer I work for an environmental charity based in the Yorkshire Dales; and part of that role involves the management of planting trees, plastic tree and encouraging the use of alternatives.

When I started on my career path, I was all about writing and wanting to see my work appear in print. As I’ve gone on I still enjoy that thrill, but I’m more passionate about helping people tell their stories and the project management part of the written product.

I don’t know if that is because I have found my style or just I’ve found different ways of keeping stimulated whilst writing.

Recently, I feel I have become more comfortable behind a screen than being outside and interacting with the subjects I have worked with for many years.

I love caving and I am active within the Red Rose Caving and Pothole Club; but the thought of going underground at the moment doesn’t give me the same contact with the senses.

Getting out for a simple walk has been beyond difficult; I’d rather hide away watching a seminar or YouTube.

And when I got the opportunity to head to the Dales with my work recently, I was hoping it would be cancelled so I didn’t have make the trip.

Have you felt these emotions? When I got there – I’d never just cry off – my first thought was when do I need to leave and what route I would take. I was not in the moment.

There were some real highlights though. Working with like-minded people in sub zero temperatures found something I’d been missing for a while – contact with people away from isolation.

And then there was the landscape. The Dales needs trees (that’s why we do what we do) but the light brown views of the hills, snow still on the ground and the crystal clear rivers were something I’d been calling for.

It was great.

But now I’m at home… typing… and the prospect of doing the same again seems daunting. I’m anxious because my house feels secure and it goes beyond a safe haven.

I’m an outdoors person.

Do you feel this way? How did you snap out of it? Is it normal considering the circumstances? Have I lost my passion for my calling?